How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie

Timeless nuggets (visual quotes from books) from Dale Carnegie and the summary of book.

There are 4 important abilities that one can learn by reading How to win friends and influence people, written by Dale Carnegie.

  1. Fundamental techniques in handling people

Maya Angelou said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic.

Follow timeless nuggets (visual quotes from books) from Dale Carnegie and the summary of book.


PERSUASION / HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

Relationships are built rather than born. Humanize the interaction to win friends and influence… Click To Tweet


We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity. This is the reason why it is always better to praise than criticize. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

William James said: ‘The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated’. Develop a new habit by giving appreciation and praise instead of condemnation. Stop talking about what you want, try to see the other person’s viewpoint. These small changes will literally make your life happier and richer in friendships. After all, happiness is all that matters. Learn to make people feel important at this will bring you great benefits, because almost everyone considers himself important, very important. The life of a person could be changed if only someone would make them feel important.

Emerson said: ‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.’ Make it a lively game out of finding positive aspects about every person you meet and then compliment them. Your relationships will transform and you will achieve the success you have been yearning for.

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  1. Six ways to make people like you

You only get one chance to make a good first impression so try to make the best out of it. Learn to use one of the most delightful factors in your personality to your advantage: SMILE. That says “I like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you.” The next step is to simply ASK questions, become genuinely interested in the person in front of you and LISTEN. Did you know that you can get almost anything you want from the person with whom you are speaking by simply listening? I am not talking about listening in order to reply and prove your point. I am talking about listening as a form of activity. Listening with the intent of really understanding the other person’s perspective. People can feel this and it will please them in a way you cannot even imagine. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments that we can pay to someone. And just as the famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked: ‘We are interested in others when they are interested in us.’

The universal forces that you put into motion the second you become really interested in the other person’s views will come back to you multiplied in the long run. Make it a habit to remember their NAME, write it down if it’s easier and use it often, for it is the sweetest and most important sound in any language for anyone you are speaking with.

  1. How to win people to your way of thinking

The core essence to doing this is by first understanding that you can never win an argument or win a person over by saying they are wrong. Even if you are right and the other person is definitely wrong, the only thing you will accomplish is to destroy ego, strike a direct blow at their intelligence, judgment, pride and self-respect. That will make them want to strike back. But it will never make them want to change their minds. You may then hurl at them all the logic of a Plato or an Immanuel Kant, but you will not alter their opinions, for you have hurt their feelings. As Doctor Gerald S. Nirenberg said: “Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own. Starting your conversation by giving the other person the purpose or direction of your conversation, governing what you say by what you would want to hear if you were the listener, and accepting his or her viewpoint will encourage the listener to have an open mind to your ideas.”

Always begin in a friendly way and show respect for the other person’s opinions. A touch of diplomacy will do more for you than anything else. When you feel that you are on the verge of losing temper and you have the tendency to start proving your point of view to the person in front of you, remember what Lincoln used to say: “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.”

Dale Carnegie A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gail. Abe Lincoln

  1. Be a leader: how to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

The difference between a boss and a leader is that the boss will tell you what to do, while the leader will show you how to do it.

When you feel that you have made enough changes in your life and it is time to help other people reach their potential, make sure you lead the way, not boss them around. People are the most important factor in both your personal and professional life. Learn how to talk, catch their interest and arouse their enthusiasm and you will never go through difficult times alone.

The sun can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world. The steel magnate Charles Schwab declared ‘I have yet to find the person, however great or exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.’

Learn to call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly and get everyone involved in business. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders and ask people to find solutions to different problems. You will be amazed of how much support you can get if you are truly interested in their opinions and apply their ideas. Always use encouragement and give the other people a fine reputation to live up to. They will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

In the end, if there is only one thing that you will remember from “How to win friends and influence people”, make sure it will be Abraham Lincoln’s famous quote: “a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” Keep this in mind the next time you start a conversation with your life partner, colleague or boss.


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